Not Yet
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: One shot sequel to Say Something: Jane is forced to go to California to go see Lisbon and Alex, spending time with them makes him think about his choices and the baby steps he is taking to move on. Jisbon


Disclaimer: I own Nothing

A/N: Well it has been a BUSY time for me since I last posted, I had THREE exams this week, oh yeah that was rough. But I decided to treat myself to finishing this fic so that I could post it. Yes it is a continuation of my other one-shot Say Something and it is in that universe, it is 100% necessary to read that one so that things make more sense but I hope you enjoy where this is going

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><p>Not Yet<p>

There's a world outside  
>And i know 'cause i've heard talk<br>In my sweetest dream  
>I would go out for a walk<p>

But i don't think i'm ready yet  
>I'm not feeling up to it now<br>Just not that steady yet  
>And i don't need you telling me how<p>

There's some happiness  
>And my stone face cracks again<br>Maybe sometime sooner or later

But i don't think i'm ready yet  
>I'm not feeling up to it now<br>Just not that steady yet  
>And i don't need you telling me how<p>

So if i leave my room  
>Don't you tell me to lighten up<br>Maybe sometime sooner or later

But i don't think i'm ready yet  
>I'm not feeling up to it now<br>Just not that steady yet  
>And i don't need you telling me how<p>

~Not Ready Yet by the Eels

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><p>The case was in Stockton and was over within a couple of days, Jane didn't tell Lisbon he was in the same state as her at the moment, he wasn't sure if he wanted her to know. It was tempting being so close at the same time he didn't think he had any right to actually go and see her. The only time they spoke was when the called a few times a month to check up on her and Alex, part of the guilt and obligation he felt towards them. Seeing them…well that opened up another can of worms. He ached to see Lisbon, every morning seemed dim with the knowledge that he wouldn't, but seeing her would mean seeing Alex and that was something that was too hard to bear.<p>

She was a beautiful child, _his_ child. Jane could now admit that he did have room in his heart for his second daughter, but it wasn't easy either. It had taken him twelve years to finally come to terms with moving on and loving another woman other than his wife, and in those twelve years he'd never really thought about moving on with another child. Ever since he met Teresa Lisbon he'd been tempted, when he started working with her he knew he was in trouble, when he killed Hardy he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. But he hadn't been able to let himself go until Red John was gone…and then he'd battled with the fact that he was far from what she deserved.

Jane was ashamed to admit that he hadn't spent much of the last decade thinking about Charlotte's death, but the explanation was simple: it was far too painful. Losing Angela had been impossible, but Charlotte was infinitely worse. She had only just begun to live, now she would never grow older, never know the joys and pains of life. It didn't seem fair that she'd been robbed of it.

Then again if she had lived then Alexandra wouldn't exist…and that wouldn't have been fair either.

It was these kinds of frustrating and painful arguments with himself that kept him away, he'd already done irreparable harm to Teresa by making her live with a man who was torn between the past and future. To do the same harm to Alex would truly be a crime, a little girl deserved far better than that.

He made the decision not to go, but it wasn't easy, especially when Abbott kept on telling him he should. "Go see your kid," Abbott told him, "Take a couple of days when this is over, it makes sense."

But he waved it off, refusing to commit to such a plan. He'd made his choice two years earlier when Alex was born. Time had softened some of the anger Cho and Abbott had felt, especially when it was clear he had never tried to hold Teresa back. But Abbott kept pushing him to do more, something Jane wouldn't do.

Now that the case was over it was time to go back to Austin and away from temptation. But Jane had underestimated his boss's resolve. At the airport Abbott gave them their boarding passes but didn't hand one to Jane. "Am I to call Stockton home now?" he quipped.

"Nope," Abbott said, "yours is here, but your flight leaves in thirty minutes so you better hurry."

Jane frowned and looked at the ticket, it wasn't taking him to Austin but Los Angeles. He gave Abbott an annoyed look but the man shrugged, "Go."

"You think the FBI will pay for my vacation?"

"Nope, that's why it's coming out of your paycheck." Abbott explained and grabbed his bag.

"And if I don't go you'll do what?" Jane asked, "put me in lock up?"

"No, I'll shoot you." He told him with a straight face. "Tell Lisbon hi," He began to walk away with the rest of the team following him and left with a simple, "Go play with your kid."

Jane had to watch them go, feeling very much like he'd been had. He stared at the plane ticket and seriously considered going over to the counter and trading it in for one for Hawaii if only to piss off Abbott. But he didn't, instead he shouldered his bag and headed for the gate.

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He took a cab from the airport to Lisbon's address. He knew she'd bought a house in a good area of town; she'd been especially vigilant with the schools. She wanted Alex to attend a private school nearby; at least it didn't have nuns. Jane knew the address of her home well, he wrote it on an envelope every month when he sent her child support, but he'd never seen it. He wasn't surprised to see a nice little one-story home with a good yard and spacious sidewalk perfect for kids to ride their bikes. No white-picket fence but then Lisbon was willing to make sacrifices if she needed to.

Jane took a moment to stare at her home, then sighed heavily before finally letting himself out of the cab. He tipped the driver well and watched him go from the sidewalk, he figured it was time to get this over with and he headed up the walkway to the house. Jane rang the doorbell and waited to see what would happen next.

It took a few moments but he heard the hurried sound of rushing feet and then the unlocking of her door. To say Lisbon was surprised was an understatement, her shock rivaled the time he scared her in the church. But she grinned broadly and stepped over to hug him immediately. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed, giving him a quick peck on the lips before wrapping her arms around him, "What are you doing here?"

He felt better as soon as he was holding her in his arms, smelling her cinnamon hair and feeling her lithe body against him, it was like coming home. "We had a case in Stockton," Jane said into her hair.

But she pulled back far too soon, a playful look in her eyes. "And you didn't think to contact the California branch of the FBI?"

"They wanted the great Patrick Jane on this case."

"Ah, and didn't Abbott warn them that you are more trouble then you are worth?"

"He tried but they didn't listen."

"Foolish people," she quipped and smiled into his eyes before hugging him again. "I missed you."

He let his fingers touch her soft hair. "I missed you too."

Finally she stepped away, tugging on his hand to let him inside. "Come in," She pulled him through the door and into a small hallway. She left his bag by the door and turned to look at him but he was looking around her home, his gaze lingering on the photos she had hung on the wall. When he turned back to her she looked slightly uncertain but still pleased. "Do you want to see her?"

Jane nodded and her smile blossomed again. Now she led him down the hallway to the living room that was blocked by a gate, she pulled the latch to let it swing aside and he was brought into the room. There was the little girl, now a toddler, sitting on the carpet. A kid's show was on and he assumed that until his presence had come in her eyes had been glued to the TV…but now they were focused on him.

Her hair was long and wavy like her mother's, but her eyes were large and had far more blue than green, just like his. A sprinkling of freckles dotted her nose and cheeks, a small nose and rounded chin, she was just as beautiful as her mother…but those eyes were his.

God she was breathtakingly beautiful.

"She…she's gotten so big," Jane managed to stammer out, he immediately felt like an idiot.

But Lisbon didn't seem to notice. "Yes, she has."

He stood straighter trying to regain his composure. "But she's small for her age, she'll be a little fierce kitten like her mother."

That made Lisbon smile but Jane didn't take his eyes off the little girl. He hadn't seen her in almost two years, not since she was about six months old, when he said goodbye to her mother before she moved here. Lisbon sent photographs every so often that he stared at for hours but they were nothing like seeing her in person.

Lisbon stepped over and took her daughter's hand. "Come on, Alex. Don't you want to say hi to your daddy?"

But Alex didn't look like she was so sure; she eyed her father warily, just as any child would with a stranger. "It's Daddy, Alex. Can't you say daddy? Daddy?" But Alex still didn't move, she looked frightened and Lisbon began to get a little distressed. "Why don't you give daddy a hug?" She offered but Alex quickly clung to her with a fearful "Mama!"

Jane stepped in. "It's all right."

"She's not usually so shy," Lisbon offered.

"She doesn't know me," he reminded her, keeping his pain locked up tight. His daughter didn't know him at all, actually she was afraid of him…because he was nothing but a stranger to her.

Lisbon couldn't think of anything to say, probably because it was the truth and there was no way to make that fact any rosier. Instead she looked around, grasping at something to make this less awkward. "Uh…do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"Sure," Jane said, he wanted to think of something less painful as well.

She picked Alex up; the little girl clung to her mother's neck, still eyeing her father with careful consideration but was calm in her mother's embrace. Lisbon led him around the corner to the breakfast nook that was just off of the kitchen. "Here's the kitchen, or Alex's place to jam on the pots and pans."

That made him smile as he imagined her playing with a wooden spoon on her makeshift drum set. Lisbon led him through the kitchen to a more formal dining area and then up the stairs where her bedroom, the guestroom and finally Alex's room was located. She'd updated the theme a bit from the nursery she'd had in Austin. Now it was a bit more grown up but much of the furniture was the same, lavender walls with dark orchid and white accents. He didn't say much during the tour, there really wasn't anything to say, Lisbon had always had good taste and now she had turned her new house into a perfect place for herself and Alex.

She brought him out to the back yard so Alex could have some fun on the grass, there was a plastic slide and fort but the little girl was much more interested in a blown up ball. She had fun picking it up and attempting to throw it, giggling every time it bounced away. Her parents took seats in the grass, watching her play with as much happiness as they could muster as they tried to ignore the many elephants in the room.

"You've made a good life here," Jane commented, he meant it.

"I have," Lisbon agreed.

He didn't ask about her job, he knew she tried to pretend that she loved it when she really missed working with him. It wasn't a boast but a fact; they worked best together and didn't have as much enjoyment apart. But she couldn't bridge that gap between them and he didn't have the courage to do it.

"How long are you staying?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow," Jane decided right then and there.

"Oh," Lisbon replied. He knew she was sad by the short time frame but she didn't argue. "Where are you staying?" He shrugged and knew immediately what she would propose. "Stay here, I have a guest room and there's no reason to spend money on a hotel for one night."

Jane's first instinct was to say no, staying with her would mean being there with Alex for a longer period of time. But he made the mistake at looking at Lisbon; he saw the eagerness in her eyes. She missed him, he missed her, it all made it that more difficult to simply spend the night elsewhere. His eyes fell on his daughter, she was chattering to herself, picking up the old garden hose to inspect it. The sunlight fell over her hair, highlighting the dark and lighter shades of brown that blended it together; another piece of his heart broke off and was caught in her tiny precious hands.

"All right," he said, wondering if he would regret agreeing to that arrangement.

But Lisbon's pleased face told him that the regret would come later. She grinned at him and lightly tagged his arm, a sign of appreciation. "Want to help me make dinner? It won't be much, I was planning on spaghetti. The bonus is you can have fun watching Alex make a mess out of herself."

"That sounds about right," Jane agreed, he knew children often wore more of their food than they ate.

She stood up and offered a hand to help him to his feet, their hands lingered, remaining entwined for a few moments too long before she let go to turn to her daughter with a grin. "Come on, Alex! Daddy is staying tonight!"

Alex was excited just because her mother was so excited; he knew she didn't understand what was going on. But Jane still loved to see her smile and clap her hands, her little voice shouting, "Yay!" It was absolutely precious.

Lisbon led them both back into the house and Alex tangled herself in her mother's legs while she attempted to start dinner. "Nothing fancy," Lisbon told him, "the tomato sauce is coming from a jar."

But she'd sprung for the healthier organic version over simple Ragu. Jane helped with what he could though what she really needed was a distraction for Alex, who wanted to play. So when the sauce was simmering and the noodles were becoming pliable from the hot water, he took over to let Lisbon keep a closer eye on their daughter.

Alex was a rambunctious child who obviously loved her mother very much. She would reach up to be held, pat her mother's leg or grab a hold of a piece of her clothing. Alex would chatter to her mother, calling her "mama" over and over again in an adorable voice full of nothing but pure love.

Lisbon set up their daughter in a chair with her plastic tray and plastic plate, and when the food had actually finished cooking, she piled on a child-sized portion for Alex to enjoy. For themselves was a heaping portion of the noodles and sauce, sprinkled with as much parmesan cheese as they could stand. Jane took his seat and watched as Alex took her fork and surprisingly knew how to twirl it around to grab the noodles, once she had a very large amount she brought it to her mouth to eat, spreading a good deal of sauce all over her face in the process.

He raised an eyebrow at Lisbon. "Teaching her table manners?"

She shrugged. "You should start them young."

He nodded his head and took a bite of the spaghetti. "Well it appears you finally learned how to make something decent enough to eat."

Lisbon narrowed her eyes at him before smacking his arm. He laughed at her glare and his laughter caused Alex to join in. "Funny! Mama is funny!" She laughed again gaily.

"She's right," Jane agreed, "Mama is very funny."

"We'll see how funny you think I am when your arm is in a sling."

He smiled again; an angry annoyed Lisbon was often her true form. It was nice to see that not everything had changed

The dinner progressed, Lisbon tried to keep him in a steady conversation but she was continuously distracted by Alex, either to coax her daughter to eat her food or to gently admonish her for using her hands instead of a utensil. Jane merely watched Lisbon be a mother to Alex, he had mixed feelings about it as it was difficult for him to be there with their daughter knowing that he wouldn't be a part of it…while transfixed by what a beautiful thing it truly was.

Perhaps he should be angry at the many horrible things he'd done, but at the very least, it was an honor to be the one who helped make Lisbon a mother, there was no one who deserved it anymore than she.

Alex was a mess of spaghetti sauce by the time she was finished, Lisbon cleaned up the worst of it while Jane put away the dishes. "She'll need a bath," Lisbon stated the obvious.

"Sure," he said, "You want me to clean up while you do that?"

"Just put the dishes in the sink," she told him, "I want you to watch, it's fun."

That wasn't necessarily his intention. Did he want to see his daughter? Yes, he wanted to spend time with her and watch and learn everything about her. But he also knew that with more of that knowledge would come more guilt and that would lead to history repeating itself in that he would hurt Alex the way he had hurt her mother.

But Jane couldn't tell no to Lisbon, not when this was something so simple.

So he followed her to the bathroom where she filled the tub partially with water before stripping Alex of her clothing and setting her in. It was clear immediately why she'd wanted him to see this as the baby immediately lit up once she was in the water, splashing and laughing, chasing her floating toys around the tub.

"I think we have a future Olympic swimmer here," Lisbon declared, "That or in addition to carnie freaks, you have mermaids on your side of the family."

"Maybe it comes from you," Jane offered. He was leaning against the sink, trying to keep from getting too interested.

Lisbon shook her head. "I wouldn't put my feet in wet grass till I was ten, this adventurous streak is all you." She turned and gave him a glowing smile, "Come down here and help me out, she's like a guppy in the water, small but fast."

Jane thought about it for a moment before reluctantly kneeling on the floor next to the tub. She handed him a small bottle of baby shampoo. "Here make yourself useful." He didn't protest, putting a dime-sized amount in his hands and working up a lather but he hesitated for a few seconds before finally touching Alex's hair. It was wet and soft but baby fine, just as dark and smooth as her mother's. He remembered when he would glide his fingers through Lisbon's hair, combing her tresses the way he'd longed to for years.

Alex was more preoccupied with the toys in the tub than the man washing her hair; she'd seemed to overcome the initial shyness at least. Lisbon poured a cup of water over Alex's head to gently wash the soap out of her hair. Alex seemed to enjoy that part the most; she started laughing immediately and began to slap her hands against the water. "Again! Again!"

Her vigorous demands not only succeeded in getting her request fulfilled but also in sloshing a good portion of the water all over her parents. "Okay," Lisbon said, giggling a little along with her daughter, "That's enough with the water fights."

Alex didn't listen, just kept laughing and splashing until Lisbon reached into the tub to let the water drain. "That's right, bath time's over now that you got me and Daddy all wet."

"Wet! Daddy got wet!" Alex agreed, still laughing.

Lisbon was preoccupied with getting her slippery daughter out of the tub and wrapped up in a towel to look over at Jane to see his reaction to their daughter saying "daddy" for the first time. "Yes, Daddy is all wet."

"Daddy all wet," Alex repeated cheerily, "Daddy all wet."

Jane was caught completely off guard by the statement; it was equal measures of deep pain and soft joy at that word. That was the problem with being here, with being with her, it was conflicting. An innocent child deserved so much more.

But Jane's quandary only became worse when Lisbon's phone began to ring. "Crap," she muttered and quickly stood to her feet and handed him Alex. "Finish drying her off while I go get that."

So he hadn't had a choice when a towel-wrapped Alex was thrust into this arms as Lisbon rushed out the door. For a second he merely watched her go, at a complete loss as to how this just happened, from the way Alex was looking at him, she was probably wondering the same. But unlike her father, Alex was quick to dismiss any discomfort and started jabbering to herself.

He was lost in his feelings at that moment, more complex emotions that twisted him back and forth. He had only held Alex twice, once the day after she was born and he'd come to see her and Lisbon. The second had been a couple of months later when he'd stopped by her home to give her the agreed upon child support. He'd found Alex screaming and Lisbon at her wits end trying to calm her down, so rather than just leave, he'd helped get Alex to sleep…and Lisbon as well.

And now here he was, holding her again still trying to figure out if he should embrace this moment or shut off his feelings to assuage the inevitable guilt. But he didn't get a chance to over think it for much longer. Alex had spied something that interested her: his hair.

"Fluffy," Alex said, reaching up with her little fingers to pull at the golden curls.

"Ow," Jane said and tried to untangle her hand from his hair. "That's my hair and it's attached to my head."

"Fluffy," she repeated. Just like all children she was impossible to keep still, breaking free in an attempt to grab his hair again.

Jane caught her little hands. "Nope, not going to happen, you're supposed to be past this stage anyways." She wrinkled her nose at being stopped, looking very much like her mother, and gave him a sad look. "I couldn't get that look to work on your mother, why would it work on me?"

Her disgruntled look in response could only have come from him.

He couldn't help but smile then at her. "Come on, we'll get you ready."

Jane set her back on the floor so he could wrestle her into her pajamas, something that was akin to trying to dress a rabbit. But he finally accomplished that task and scrounged around to find a brush for her wet hair. When Lisbon came back he was blow-drying it, her surprised expression amused him. "What?"

"I can't believe you are doing that."

"Believe it or not, I do know how to put a two year old to bed."

Lisbon nodded, picking up Alex who was begging her mother to be held. "Yeah, but that was with your daughter, not Alex."

"My first daughter," Jane corrected her automatically.

"What?"

"Alex is my daughter too."

She was taken aback by his words and she struggled to find words to say. It was a reasonable feeling, he'd been insistent from the beginning that he wouldn't dishonor Charlotte's memory. But Jane wasn't seeing it the way she did, after all he felt this was the truth, no matter how little involved he was in Alex's life, she was his daughter too.

"I…I know, I meant…"

"I know what you meant," Jane replied. He wasn't angry or upset, just resigned to this comment.

Lisbon looked away, not able to meet his eyes in this awkward silence, but she managed to put herself back together to finish getting Alex ready. "You want to help put her down?"

Jane shook his head. "I'm sure she'd be more comfortable going to sleep with just you."

"Okay," Lisbon said, putting on a fake smile for Alex. "Say night night to Daddy, Alex. Night night daddy."

"Night night daddy, night night!" Alex repeated happily, then open and closed her fingers in a precious child's wave. "Daddy, night night!"

He waved after her and watched her leave in her mother's arms, then he tidied up the bathroom before heading back to the living room to wait for Lisbon. He tried to ignore how much he was feeling over spending this time with Lisbon and Alex. It was hard, hard because he felt so confused. He knew it wasn't wrong to enjoy spending time with his daughter…but he also felt guilty any time he thought of what he could have with Charlotte. Toss in the fact that he knew he did not deserve this woman or their child and he just plain felt like he had no right to be in this house.

Lisbon finally came back down, tiptoeing down the stairs so as not to wake her sleeping child. "She's just like you, can sleep anywhere but it's impossible to _keep_ her asleep."

"I doubt my insomnia is genetic but if it is I apologize."

Lisbon rolled her eyes but grinned at him. "I have a bottle of red I've been saving, would you like some?"

He shrugged. "If you think the occasion calls for it."

"That you are back in California, oh yeah, definitely calls for it."

He followed her into the kitchen as she went to the cupboard and pulled down two glasses before heading to the little wine rack and pulling out a bottle. Jane took a look at the label and recognized it immediately. "We got this in Paris."

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah, on that three day 'pit stop' as you called it on the way back from Beiruit."

Jane nodded, he remembered with distaste the reunion with Erika but had made the trip worth it by sneaking in a quick trip to the city of love. Whining and dining with Lisbon in Paris was something he had dreamed about, he was grateful for that opportunity to make such happy memories.

"I'm surprised you never opened it."

"You bought me a $1500 Pino Noir," Lisbon reminded him, "You damn well know I'm not going to open it until I'm with you."

"I would have bought you several had you allowed me."

"I didn't want you to buy this one," she said, "The only reason you did was because you didn't tell me how much it cost."

He chuckled. "You needed an education on good vintage, not the kind you buy from the wine and liquor store next to the local pharmacy and Taco Bell."

"Shush," Lisbon said and she poured the ruby red wine into the glasses.

When she handed him a glass he held his out in a toast. "To us and Alex."

Her smile softened and she clinked her glass with his. "I'll drink to that." They sipped the their wine and Jane took delight that she was clearly enjoying the taste of the expensive wine, it was a rich earthy flavor, perfect as she was.

They took their glasses to the living room and sat down together on the couch. For a while they just sipped their wine in silence. Finally she broke the quiet. "I'm glad you came, Patrick. I've been hoping you would for a long time."

"I know," He said, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to come either."

"Then why wait so long?"

"You know why," Jane replied, taking a sip of his wine.

Lisbon looked uncomfortable for a moment, staring into her own glass for a while. "She's just a little girl."

"I know, and this is my fault, it's my problem."

"Yes but that doesn't make it fair for her."

"It's better for her this way," Jane told her, "You don't want her to have the same problems I put you through."

"Red John is gone," she reminded him, "it wouldn't be the same."

"Not all of the pain I put your through was because of him."

Lisbon looked away again. "No, it wasn't," she agreed softly. After a beat she looked back at him with a gentle smile. "But I can't regret it."

Jane didn't react to that, he couldn't really. He didn't regret being with her, loving her, he couldn't even regret creating their child and he certainly loved that she felt the same. It would just be so much easier if she didn't.

Lisbon set her now empty wine glass on the end table and gave him another smile. "Goodnight, Jane," she said and leaned over to kiss his cheek before moving from the couch and heading upstairs to her room.

Jane remained where he was for a while longer, thinking about what she said and how it affected him. He was selfish, he took real pleasure in knowing she still loved him, still wanted him, he just had to look into her eyes to see that. He wanted that love, wanted to hold on to it, wanted to keep it and never let any other man have it. He shouldn't feel that way; he had relinquished any rights to that when he'd told her that he couldn't be a real father to their child, even if he knew that decision was the right one.

Still he was selfish.

He finally went upstairs to the guest room she had shown him earlier, but he merely stood there in the room staring at the empty bed…a bed he had no desire to sleep in tonight. He debated the outcomes, knowing it wasn't wise but for this one time…he simply didn't give a damn.

So instead he made his way out of the room and took the fifteen steps down the hall to another. Jane hesitated only a moment before opening the door.

Lisbon was standing in front of her dresser; her back to the door but she could see his reflection in the mirror in front of her. She didn't turn around but met his eyes in the glass, confused but not upset. "Is there something you want?"

But he didn't say anything; they just stared at each other for a long tension filled moment. Then he silently made his way towards her, still holding her gaze, and he saw her breathing hitch the closer he got. Then he was behind her, close enough to feel the warmth of her body, their breathing very loud. He could smell the scent of cinnamon from her hair and see the freckles he used to trace on her neck. Jane took only a moment to savor being this close to her again, then he leaned down to taste her skin. Her breath hitched the second her lips touched her flesh, she was shaking a little but leaned her head to give him more access.

He put his hands on her shoulders to turn her around, their eyes met once more before he leaned down to claim her lips with his. Their first kiss in years was soft, a gentle exploration of familiar territory. But their patience didn't last long, soon enough they were pressing against each other, fingers fumbling at their clothing to get closer as quickly as they could. He hoisted her up into his arms to carry her to the bed. He only wanted to make her his again, even if it would be for just one more night.

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"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

Alex roused both of her parents with her insistent plea for attention. Lisbon groaned and rolled out of bed. "That's my cue," she murmured and scrambled for her clothes as soon as her feet hit the floor.

Jane watched her rush out of the room to go see to their child, he wondered briefly if he should go with her but that thought was quickly crushed by his mixed feelings about this entire visit. He didn't regret it, certainly had no regrets towards making love to Lisbon once more, but he felt some guilt.

He felt guilty that he could love his second child when he had no right to, he felt guilt that he hadn't appreciated his first daughter when he'd had the chance, he felt guilt that ht was going to leave in a few hours like a man leaving his mistress. Lisbon deserved better than this…and so did Alex.

But he pushed what he could aside and got dressed himself, making sure everything was packed for his return trip to Austin, before heading downstairs. Lisbon joined him with a wide-awake Alex in her arms. "Someone wants their breakfast and she will _not_ be ignored," Lisbon told him with a wide smile.

Jane nodded. "I can't really blame her."

"Why don't you make your scrambled eggs," Lisbon suggested, "we can throw in some bacon and toast, nothing fancy."

Well he wouldn't say no to that, Alex should at least have the opportunity to try his famous scrambled eggs. Lisbon got their daughter situated with a sippy cup of milk before helping him out with making breakfast. He watched the eggs cook as if they were fascinating before finally working up the courage to say, "We should talk about last night."

"We don't need to," Lisbon told him quickly.

"Lisbon…"

"No, it's okay," she replied, "I know it meant something but I also know that it doesn't change anything. You're still going back to Austin today."

"Yes I am," Jane admitted.

She gave him a bittersweet smile. "Then we're okay."

He didn't like how she accepted that so easily, but he also knew why she didn't fight. It seemed like every time she fought for an inch with him, something would happen to knock her down once more. In this case she had stopped hoping for more and just took what she could.

Lisbon didn't seem upset, or rather hid it well, taking a portion of the finished eggs to put in front of Alex. "She loves eggs."

"Then she's got good taste," he remarked, glad to at least turn to happier subjects.

Breakfast was enjoyable and it was adorable watching Alex munch on scrambled eggs with delight. But the simple interlude was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Lisbon jumped to her feet to go answer the door and curiosity urged Jane to quietly follow to peek at who it was.

He wasn't expecting her to be talking to a man, especially one she greeted so warmly, there was obviously more to this than was apparent.

"When did you get back?" she asked him after a quick welcoming hug.

"Just a couple of hours ago, actually I was going to go back to my place to sleep, been up for over thirty-six hours, I just came to give you this…and say hi."

Lisbon took the folder from him with gratitude and a warm smile at his last statement. "Well at the very least I can refill your coffee."

"I'd very much appreciate that."

Jane scurried back to the kitchen table to pretend like he hadn't been spying. Lisbon and her visitor came in none the wiser, the strange part was just how relaxed she was with both of them here. "Oh, Ryan, this is Patrick Jane, Alex's father, he's here for a visit."

The man named Ryan blinked in surprise but quickly recovered. "Oh, of course, nice to meet you."

"Yes, I'm afraid you are at an advantage here," Jane replied.

"Ryan is an ATF agent that is working with us," Lisbon explained, "a smuggling ring taking place, he was in Mexico following a lead and came to give me the update."

Ryan nodded. "Now I have to go get some sleep because I'm beat," Ryan replied, but not before going over to Alex to give her a friendly pat on the head. "Hi, Alex, bye bye, Alex."

"Bye bye, bye bye," Alex replied.

Jane kept his fist clenched underneath the table.

"Here's your coffee," Lisbon said, giving him back his thermal mug.

"Thanks," Ryan replied. He lowered his voice a little but Jane still heard him. "So, what do you think about Friday?"

"Definitely a good plan," Lisbon said, "but you'll have to give me more to work on." "I'll come up with something," he told her with a grin and a wink. "I'll talk to you later."

Lisbon smiled as she walked him to the door. Jane remained seated this time, silently fuming at what was happening in front of him. Alex seemed to be studying him, maybe she was aware that he was upset because she handed him her little toy pony as if that would make him feel better. "Thank you," Jane replied, accepting the gift, "but it won't work."

After a moment, Lisbon returned as cool as a cucumber and entirely ignorant of the tension in the air. She simply focused on her daughter. "Little miss messy face," Lisbon said cheerfully cleaning her daughter up.

"Do ATF agents normally show up in the morning?"

"What?"

"You heard me." Jane replied woodenly.

Lisbon finally was at a loss but then shrugged; "He wanted to give me an update on our high priority case, nothing more."

She grabbed her nearly empty plate and stood up to take it to the sink, as if that would end the conversation. "Are you dating him?"

Lisbon paused and then shoved the plate in with a clatter. "I do not see how that is any of your business," she said, not even looking at him.

"So you are. Let me guess, you've been on two, maybe three dates?"

Finally she turned around to look at him, her arms crossed. "So what if I have?"

"Nothing," Jane replied, "you're well within my rights."

"You damn right I am."

"But I suppose last night might change your mind." Jane pointed out, "You aren't one to play two men."

"Nor am I," Lisbon said smoothly. "Ryan and I are not serious, not yet at least, we are just testing the waters. What happened between you and me last night has nothing to do with him; besides, you're going back to Austin. If I decide to make things serious with Ryan, _then_ it's a different story."

"Happy to know just how little you think of me."

She shook her head. "Don't you dare start with that."

"Why not? You just as easily dismissed me for someone else."

"You are living in Austin! You walked away from me when I was pregnant!"

"I did _not_ walk away from you," Jane insisted.

"Bull shit!"

"I was there, I was there while you were pregnant and when you needed help I did what I could."

She glared at him. "Sure, you did a grand job of getting me a bagel if I hadn't eaten breakfast but when I needed a father for my child you ran out the door!"

"I was doing what was best for all of us," Jane replied, "Alex deserves better than me as a father."

"She deserves a father," Lisbon told him harshly, "and if you can't do it then maybe someone else will."

He couldn't come up with a response to that, not when she was completely right. He couldn't tell Lisbon to not move on, not when he'd all but told her to when he said she should take the job here. But he did have a say, at least somewhat.

"Not him," Jane insisted.

"What?"

"Not him, he's not good enough."

"You don't even know him!"

"I know enough," Jane said, "it's obvious that he's not serious about relationships, he's probably cheated before."

"Oh you got all of that from saying three words to the man?" Lisbon replied, her voice was laced with a gallon of sarcasm.

Jane glared right back at her. "The man didn't care at all that I was here, he wasn't bothered in the slightest. No one who is seriously pursuing someone would be all right with another man staying in their home, particularly not with our history. The fact that it didn't bother him proves how little he puts into his relationships, in fact, it probably made him all the more comfortable because he feels like it's alright since you don't have much stock in the relationship either."

She stared at him for a long time as she tried to control her anger but that failed. "You son of a bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"The woman I love is off with another man, that's what!"

"Then do something about it you moron!" Alex started crying from the shouting, no one was that surprised by that. Lisbon picked her up to soothe her, keeping her close until she was calm again. Then Lisbon met Jane's eyes again. "But you won't will you?"

He didn't say a word.

She nodded, clearly disappointed. "I'll take you to the airport."

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Neither one of them said an entire word on the drive to the airport, only Alex chattered and then eventually fell asleep, her head slumped against the car seat. Lisbon pulled the car to the curb outside the terminal and killed the engine but she didn't look at him. "You going to be all right?"

"Yes," Jane said.

"Okay, fly safe." Her voice was wooden and Jane assumed that would be how it would end. He made to get out but he heard her whisper something.

"What was that?"

"I said, stupid, stupid love," she told him and slapped her hand against the steering wheel. Then she looked at him. "Is this all my fault? I got pregnant and that is why it got ruined?"

"No," Jane said, "you shouldn't say things like that."

"I don't regret Alex," she replied, "she is the best thing that ever happened to me but…but I just don't understand why it all had to go so wrong too."

He sat back against the seat and sighed heavily. "I don't either."

Lisbon wiped her eyes, taking in a shaky breath to keep from crying further. "I meant what I said, Alex is your daughter and the day you decide to be a part of her life you'll be welcome."

Jane didn't say anything for a while, then he just nodded. "Okay."

They both got out of the car and she helped him get his bag out of the back. He accepted it from her but didn't move, he had to do something, something more. Jane met her eyes carefully. "I'm going to call…once a week and I'd…I'd like to talk to Alex."

She blinked a couple of times but then nodded, a small smile on her lips. "Okay." She hugged him and kiss his cheek. "Fly safe," she said, still wrapped in his arms.

He held her, longer than he should have, but he didn't want to let her go.

But he had to.

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Abbott wasn't happy that he came back to Austin so soon but he was at least satisfied that Jane had gone to see his child. Jane merely told them that he'd spent a little time with Alex, refusing to talk much about it. He knew they were disappointed that so little had changed even after such a momentous visit. Jane was reminded of what he'd told Lisbon all those years before "some things just can't be fixed."

But he had to wonder about the truth of that statement, because she had fixed him, at least somewhat. He'd managed to move past the grief of his wife to allow himself happiness with another woman. It was allowing happiness as a father again that was stopping all of this.

If he had done it once before, could he do it again?

So late on a Wednesday night, he called Lisbon as he'd promised from his perch on the couch, alone at the FBI office. Their conversation was light and full of nonsense that they didn't really feel, hiding the pain badly but doing what they had to do in the wake of his decision. Then she put Alex on the phone and he spoke to his daughter.

Tears fell from his eyes as he put on a faux cheer to talk to her, telling her the truth; he loved her. He just wasn't ready to do anything more.

Yet.

* * *

><p>AN: Yet is one of my favoirte words. So full of hope, it means so much and it is the phrase "not ready yet" that I kept repeating over the past 6 years, now I'm just having history repeat itself eheheh

This universe isn't finished yet, Jane and Lisbon have a lot more to go through before this is over. You'll see that in my upcoming continuation (whenever I have time) Fool Me Once


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